I'm a genuine person, the type of person who has fewer, close friendships. I've always been proud of the fact that I'm not fake. Everyone knows how I feel and where I stand because I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
Steve is the same way. We'd rather fight openly and get it over with than hold our emotions in and hope that it gets resolved later. Hopefully, we love openly as well to counterbalance the bad.
BUT, this morning I realized that I'm getting good at "faking it" (even though I didn't know I was trying), and I actually think it's a step toward maturity.
Let me explain.
Alex was off to a Scouting activity, Steve was on a business call in his office, it was just me and the two girls. I was feeling desperate for a shower because I'm hormonally imbalanced and my complexion is suffering because of it, also because I have hot and cold flashes so I'm sweatier and therefore greasier than usual. (Sorry if that's TMI.)
Libby is 3.5 and she wants to play, she has a lot of questions, there's a lot of drama in doing anything. Avery is 17 months, she woke up too early this morning, she's needy, she wants to nurse ALL THE TIME, she likes the toilet, and dumping stuff - anything - out onto the floor.
This was my bathroom when I came out of the shower, even after I took the precautionary steps of pushing back all the haircutting stuff and hair bow stuff and toiletries and...crayon basket?...to the back of the counter.
All I could think about was how badly I wanted the solace of a shower. And because my mind was consumed with this thought, I realized that I was being auto-pilot Mommy, I was "faking it."
And everyone was happy :)
See, when Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. But when Mama is a good faker, everyone is happy!
If I can just be fake for the next year - while I'm creating a life inside me - then we'll probably all survive.
This whole "faking it" concept is how I've interpreted the "Come What May and Love It" talk by Elder Wirthlin, specifically as it relates to pregnancy. It was an outright epiphany for me.